Time to cut the painful silence

12 August 2010

Its been 12 weeks, 4 days since I felt my world collapse and my heart torn to pieces. My dad passed away on the day that our Mia turned 6 months, and my best friend got engaged.

I still remember the night clearly. I was updating my blog, saving it as "draft" when I got the call from my brother around 11pm to tell me that our daddy was in hospital. I immediately called on my husband, carried our sleeping Mia and rushed to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital, the doctors were still trying to revive my dad. I managed to go in the emergency room and felt his ice cold feet as they were trying to save my dad. Words cannot describe the agony my sister, brothers and I felt as we knew in our hearts that there was nothing that can be done anymore and our daddy is no longer with us. He was only 60 years old.

Since that moment, it was the support and help of our relatives and friends that helped us get by the difficult times as we made preparations for our daddy's funeral which was held on 26th May 2010 at St Aloysius Church, near our family home before laying our dad in his final resting place, at our family burial ground. It was the kind words and encouragement following the funeral that also reminded us that daddy is in a much better place now.

Thank you all for all your condolences, flowers, donations, visit to our family home, attendance at our daddy's funeral, and messages sent via SMS, Facebook, emails etc. May God bless you all.

I've tried over the past weeks to bring myself together to update my blog, but each time I log in, I freeze. Last Sunday, I tried again, only to find myself crying uncontrollably because all those emotions of the night my father passed away overwhelmed me.

So today, I made a decision. Cry as I am while I'm doing this, I am going to update my blog starting with publishing the blog entry I had saved that night, before the call came.



6 months today!

Weight: 7.8kg

She can't crawl yet, still trying to drag her body on the bed and on the floor. Most times, she'll roll and roll to try and get to where she wants to get.

She's a champ at maneuvering her baby walker and can "glide" really fast. She'll find every opportunity to get out of the house.

A lot of things need to be changed on this day:

Pacifier (chu-chut) upgrade. She's got 2 new Avent pacifiers... it'll take a while for her to "break into" these, so we'll still KIV the old one, just in case we need it.

Change in diet: I've changed her rice cereal to that of organic. She gets rashes all over when I fed her with Cerelac from Nestle. A messy eater she may be but she can finish more than half a bowl each feeding.

She loves her feet... loves teddy bears, especially the giant type.... LOL! That's Uncle Magdy (her giant teddy from Canada)

Sleeping like a baby

One of the many things that Mia loves to do first thing in the morning is to be placed in her walker, prance around the living room in it and watch her Chinese cartoon "see yang yang" followed by Bananas in Pajamas.

Well, early this morning I had to go out for an appointment and asked my husband to keep an eye on her. I left her on the bed with him and told him that if she's not going back to sleep, then bring her downstairs and put her in her walker.

That he did. She went about her normal routine making a lot of noise at the same time. My husband then noticed that her head was bobbing as if fishing, and then she became quieter and quieter. Next thing he saw was:

Is she staring at something, or simply resting?

She fell asleep. In her walker. Chubby cheek resting on the little ball. Poor girl must have been so exhausted! My husband didn't realise her "lots of noise" was her telling him she wants her mid morning nap.

Hangin' out with her papa

One of the things she looks forward to ... everyday.

Getting ahead of the footie fever

And its not the World Cup.

The past few weeks, Mia has been taking every opportunity to reach for her feet and put her tiny toes into her mouth:

She'll grab hold of both feet then switch from 1 foot to the other to lick

Just look at that, she's toe-tally enjoying it!

See?! She doesn't even respond to me calling her. She doesn't care that I'm taking her picture.

And even in the bath!

It's disgusting and I have no idea how to stop her from doing this.

A note for my daughter

To my dear Mia,

Today is the first time I get to celebrate mother's day. You've grown up so much from the day I you entered this world. Your grand entrance was an indication of what you're to become - strong lungs,cheerful, love to smile, fast learner, curious, and most of all, given the time and support, you're able to overcome life's little challenges. Yes, you can be quite demanding at times but that makes me feel even more needed and appreciated by you.

Your smile each morning when you wake up is the best start of the day for me. We spend most of the days together. We have fun playing, kissing, hugging, cleaning, changing, feeding... the list goes on and on. Although at the end of the day, I sometimes get tired juggling work, and attending to your needs but seeing how peaceful you sleep at night makes me feel fulfilled.

In years to come there will be times when we'll have disagreements and exchanges of hurtful and harsh words. I hope that when those days do come, we'll be able to set aside of differences and work things out. I pray that I may be granted the patience and wisdom to be able to show you how precious you are to me. I want you to remember that whatever may be, I only wish and pray for your well being and happiness.

In the meantime, I want you to know that I love you dearly, I will always keep in my heart the ways you let me know that you love me too, and most of all - how happy you've made me.

Love always,
Mummy

It's Mother's Day

To all the mums out there:

Doing the Michael Jackson

This morning Mia was sucking away on her right hand. When she touched my cheeks with her saliva coated fingers I noticed something weird... her hand was bright pink, and swollen. I wanted to take a picture of it but.... it did not come out very clear:
She got insect bite... most probably a mosquito. Of all places! I didn't want to put any cream on it because Mia likes to lick ans suck her hands. She might end up licking the cream and we'll have a bigger problem in our hands.

Seeing as how that bite must be so itchy, I did the next best thing... put insect bite cream on it and then cover it with her mittens.

This look is dedicated to the late Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. Yes, she moonwalks too.

I wonder if Michael Jackson read with his one glove on too?

Oh What a Night!

Tonight, Janet and I attended this:


The Convention Hall is big (by KK standard ya), and was nicely decorated for the event. We walked on a red carpet fenced by traditional Kadazan "backpacks" ie Sinaging, leading into the hall.

It took us a while to find Table No 49 because there were like 80 tables in the hall.

The view from Table 49... hujung dunia lah ba kan! Janet and I love the ceiling deco... somehow we felt like we're in Egypt.

We were entertained by Stacy - the Akademi Fantasia sensation. She's got good voice, stamina, dance moves and very edgy. I like her. Where a lot of local artists here are good singers they're not necessarily good entertainers. Stacy is great - as a singer, performer and entertainer. She reminds me of Anita Sarawak.

We ate:
LOL! Greedy me was too busy and enjoying the food so much that I forgot to take pictures. So, next best thing is the menu la!

The main purpose of the Gala Nite is to let the public have a preview of the contestants for the Unduk Ngadau organised by DBKK. It is also on this night that the top 15 who'll get to compete in the actual competition on 13 May 2010 when the KK representative for the State Unduk Ngadau will be crowned.

The ladies wore evening gowns by their own design which must be inspired by the traditional costumes of the Kadazandusun group. Some of the contestants had help from other designers, some got their mothers to design, and some designed themselves. It was like watching Project Runway.

Here are the subsidiary title winners for tonight (photo taken off the big screen, our table was just too far from the stage):

Miss Catwalk: Jaslinder Kaur a/p Harjit Singh (She has a very "calm & collected" walk. She's got a sweet smile too. One of the obvious favourites of the night, aside from another contestant but I think THAT other contestant's supporters were family and colleagues)

Miss Personality: Kok Yee Lu @Lyora Kok. She's 5 feet 8 inches tall! Janet & I nicknamed her the Naomi Campbell of Sabah (Hmmmm, judges ni usually give scores according to height. The higher the contestant, the higher the score. Ni pun ada harapan mau memang)

I think it was Miss Best Dressed I think, or was it Miss Gala Nite: Crystel Eve Huminodun William Majimbon. (Na, nama pun sudah Huminodun... tatap ada spot lah tu nanti)

All the subsidiary title winners managed to get a spot in the Top 15.

And.... there's more:

Tadaa! My cousin Steffiana Jipanin is also in the Top 15!

Another milestone

Well, sort of!

She got dressed up today, headband and all. I took pictures of her while we waited for her daddy to come pick us up.

The "shy" & "demure" pose

The "Please NO PHOTOGRAPHY" pose... but paparazzi mom went on to take even more pictures

The "sexy" pose

OK... Back to why today is special.

It's a special day because today is the day she gets to have her very first passport done!

I was informed that she can have her passport photo done at the Immigration Dept. Had I known that its just one sad little section outside the Immigration building with a temporary setup, a piece of blue cloth hung on the glass wall of the building, the cameraman using a compact camera hooked up to a little portable printer... I would have had her picture taken at a proper photo studio.

She wasn't cooperating with the photo session as much as I hoped mainly due to the many "distractions" around her. The final outcome of her photo was rather sad looking.

For the 6 pieces of passport size photo we had of her, we paid RM15. Its much cheaper if we had her photo taken at a studio plus we could get a copy of the picture on a CD.

Anyway, point is, she's got a passport. Yay! Now she can travel with us.

Good day, Bad day

I woke up this morning on a high note. My "tooth fairy" came to visit last night and left a really beautiful gift under my pillow for us. More on that when we actually "cash in" on that gift!

Anyway, seeing how horrid our garage and driveway has become, I decided to give them a good clean. I swept and was looking for our industrial size water sprayer to wash our driveway. It wasn't in its usual spot. I presumed that my husband may have kept it in the storeroom under the back porch. The thing is so heavy I wouldn't be able to carry it, so I didn't bother to go look. And since I was so motivated to clean our outdoors, I washed the floors the old fashion way - using a couple of buckets. I was so pleased to see our the outside clean for a change.

When my husband came home and I asked him about the water sprayer, he was shocked that its not in its usual spot. Darn it. It got stolen. It must have happened that one time when we went out to church and the auto gate did not close. Arrrrrrgh!

Enough about that. I always tell my friends that "happiness is a choice". I choose to be happy, so:
I made myself a big cup of coffee and got 3 slices of the chocolate orange cake I made the other day. Switch on the lappy, switch on the TV & DVD player to watch:

This is one of our 27 DVDs we bought the other day. Such bliss :) Note: This movies is not for the younger audience ie underage. Lots of uh-ha-ha!

It'll be a big day for her tomorrow

She'll be wearing this. The dress, not the teddy! But teddy will come along. Hope the dress is acceptable.

So, it's an early night for her. And an early night for me too.

Good night everyone. Hopefully tomorrow will be a great day. Of course it will. We'll make it a great day.

Out with the girls

We went out today with Janet and Teresa. Well, it was Janet who invited us for a lunch meeting to discuss preparations for her upcoming engagement. She's getting engaged to a Canadian from Victoria at the end of this month and she's asked me to become sort of an emcee. More on that next time in another post!

Where did we have our lunch meeting? At Upperstar Lintas. This place is packed in the evenings (mostly by "youngsters" and yuppies) but during the daytime, its alright. As most of you know, I hate going to crowded places, more so if I have to tug Mia along.

These are what we ordered:

A huge plate or shall I say platter of chicken salad - the chicken is sliced roast chicken. Well, you're suppose to mix all the stuff together and dress it up with the thousand island dressing. That little bowl of dressing wasn't enough for our liking so we asked for another bowl. Very yummy and can be shared amongst 4 people.

See how huge it is. I can practically sit Mia in the middle of the plate and you'll still be able to see salad parts coming out of her sides. I think she'll make a nice "centrepiece". Hehehe!

Big plate but just a bit of the actual spaghetti carbonara. Costs under RM8. This spaghetti is wonderful and I love it. Its so creamy and I told Teresa & Janet that I'm going to learn to make this dish.

Pizza Sensation. This was absolutely delicious. I've always liked Upperstar's pizza. And quite affordable too - RM15.75

Janet asked for tobasco sauce and the staff came back with ... the Red Devil.

Folded Tacos. Janet says they're nice. By the time I got to try the tacos, they were cold. Not so yummy by then. The fries... chewy.

This is why I was late in trying the tacos... I was having my 4th pizza slice. Nah tamaha (greedy)! How am I ever going to lose weight I ask?!

The total bill for our meal with drinks (2 100Plus, 2 mango pineapple juice) = around RM65.

There's something for Mia too.... her bottle of milk

And she loves to smack her lips... so until next time.... MUAH to you all! Have a happy day!

Monday Madness

I don't do (or rather do the bare minimal of housework) during the weekends preferring more to veg out and go out. With an infant who's curious to grab hold of anything within reach and leaving things around the living room, and a slummy mummy who can't be bothered to clean up - instead just leave things as they are so she can enjoy her weekend... well, you could imagine the horror of our home when Monday comes along.

6.00am: Alarm clock named Mia woke me up. Feeding time. She refused to go back to sleep, so we played a bit then she gave me the look - the Mummy I wanna poop look. Sat her down on her potty and try as she may, she only farted. OK, false alarm this time.

8.00am: Took her downstairs, switched on the TV for her. The living room looks like a nightmare!
Never mind the mess for a while. I had to take the garbage out first. The garbage collector normally comes around 9am. Having done that, I got started by clearing things off the floor, then vacuumed the living room and dining room.

9.00am: Feeding time for my Mia. She's getting better at eating solids now ie instead of pushing the food out of her mouth with her tongue, she's actually swallowing with ease. In fact, she wants to eat more. It's just her mummy who has to learn to be less messy when feeding her.

9.15am: Poopy time - just a bit of poopy in the potty. This means she'll be wanting to poop again later in the afternoon.
Continued feeding session with milk

9.30am: Bath time - her favourite

9.50am: Put clean baby in her walker, let her run around the living room. Put 1st load of laundry into the washing machine. I continued with the cleaning - clearing and wiping table tops.

10.30am: Time for her nap. Gave her water to drink and soon enough, she fell asleep. Mopped the floors.

11.15am: Mia woke up. Changed her nappy. Oh oh... poopy look. Plonked her on her potty. Sure enough, poopy in the potty. Gave her water to drink then let her run around in her walker again. Took her outside in her walker to the back porch. Time to hang the laundry, and put the 2nd load in the washing machine. We're back into the living room. She runs around. I take pictures.

Happy am I to see a clean room. Happy is Mia to have a clear runway!

Even my "workstation" is clean. I call this my workstation because this is where I blog, feed Mia her milk, sit when I watch TV, and lay down for my naps (very rare these days). I love this corner because I can see outside from here.

11.45am: Yes. Clean living room. I can check blogs & visit Facebook.

12 noon: Feeding time for Mia - milk.

12.15pm: Played with Mia. She was getting tired of being plonked in her walker and wanted some time with her mummy to tickle and kiss her. She loves it when I press my lips onto her chubby bouncy cheeks. I love to do it because she laughs everytime my lips touches her soft cheeks.

12.30pm: Got started on my sewing project. Will blog about this one of these days.


12.50pm: Took Mia out to the porch again. It's time to hang the 2nd load of laundry.

1.00pm: Back inside the house, it's time to clean the dining room and kitchen.

2.15pm: The clean laundry in the basket is just yelling out to be folded and ironed. They've been there since Friday evening. Like I said, I don't do much housework during the weekends! So, I got started on that. It's a bit of a chore really with Mia trying to pull my husband's shirt's sleeves as I iron. I tried to put up with it as much as I can until I couldn't anymore. So I stopped ironing and started folding towels and such.

3.00pm: Gave Mia her milk, put her to sleep. I continued with ironing.

3.45pm: Rushed upstairs to take a shower and do the beds.

4.00pm: Crap. The gate guy is coming over to fix our gate at 4.30pm and I still need to get to the market to buy stuff for dinner. Mia wakes up and we make our way to the market.

4.20pm: We're back at home. The market is near our house so we're able to get everything and come home in less than 20 mins.

4.45pm: Got started to prepare things in the kitchen for dinner. Cooked steam rice first. The gate guy never showed up.

5.15pm: Mia gives me the I want to poopy sound. Sat her on her potty. Yes, success. We watched TV for a while.

6.00pm: Time for her milk and water again.

6.20pm: I tried put her to sleep so I could go into the kitchen to cook, but she doesn't want to. So, I carried her and her walker back into the kitchen and started cooking while she happily followed me around the kitchen.

6.45pm: Dinner cooked. Just waiting for husband to come home now. Mia looks a little bit tired so I gave her water to drink and soon she fell asleep.

7.00pm: Quiet time for me. I put away her toys and enjoyed the serenity of a clean home.

7.30pm: Husband arrives home. I go to the kitchen and took our dinner to the dining room.

8.00pm: Dinner done, dishes done. Thanks to the husband for helping wipe the dinner table. Went blog hopping for a while. I felt a little tired so I decided to "rest my eyes".

11.00pm: Crap! I fell asleep for nearly 3 hours. Mia didn't wake up for her 9.00pm feeding. She must be hungry. I changed her into her disposable diapers, gave her milk and she drank it with her eyes closed.

11.15pm: Time to take her upstairs to her bed.

11.30pm: Updating my blog. By 1.30am, I got tired and went to bed!

Notice something missing here? No breakfast, no lunch. It was such a mad day I totally forgot to eat until dinner time!